1. |
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Dumbluck Avenue
(vonHummer)
Pull up a lawn chair and drop your worries/Nobody here has got to hurry/Clear out your Reptile House/And open your Emotional Zoo/We're gonna drink til we fall off our stars/And then we're gonna drive our cars/Back and forth all over virtue and Dumbluck Avenue...
Pick up a six pack and drop your morals/Nobody here has got to quarrel/Chill out your Greenhouse Effect/Let your ozone pop a hole or two/We're gonna drink outta buckets and jars/And then we'll play air guitars/As "Won't Get Fooled Again" rings true on Dumbluck Avenue...
Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah/We just keep winning the lottery/Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah/We just keep testing negative/Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah/Juries keep voting to acquit/Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah/No, life's not fair, we must admit...
Put on a lobster and turn it over/Nobody here needs a four-leaf clover/Someone's in the bathroom with Dinah/Sad, but it's true/We're gonna drink til the neighbors get sick/And then we're gonna flick our Bics/Like Statues of Liberty do on Dumbluck Avenue...
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2. |
Some People
04:10
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Some People
(vonHummer)
Some people live where greed is thick/Snack on deception til it makes them sick/I know I do/I know I do/Do you? Some people watch their lives dribble by/Can't look the mirror in the eye/I know I do/I know I do/Do you?
Some people mock and hide the truth/Pass a poison fang off as a sweet tooth/I know I do/I know I do/I know I do/I know I do/I know I do/I know I do/Do you?
I know that my facade must look good to you/(As good as yours looks to me)/I'm not here to take confession, but can I get a witness?/Is no one out here moved to concern/Or am I too near-sighted to see?/Nobody gives a shit, and it's scaring me shitless/
Some people try and some people strain/Some people flinch although they feel no pain/I know I do/I know I do/Do you?
Some people know how to smile as they scar/Some people feel homesick wherever they are/I know I do/I know I do/Do you?
Some people catch themselves before they fall/Jump back and claim they didn't mean it at all...
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3. |
'89 Reliant K
03:48
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'89 Reliant K
(vonHummer)
I got an '89 Reliant K/Top of the line/I'm gonna thunder down the I-5/Doing 59/And if I aint rebellion personified/I am at least defiant/Cruisin' steady in a box of off-white lightning/'89 Reliant...
I got the windows rolled down all the way/Hair in my face/Nothing but minivans, pickups and SUVs/All over the place/They sorta sneer as they pass me on the right/Forgive me, ye fastlane giants/For cruisin' steady in a box of off-white lightning/'89 Reliant...
Won't be long til I find my true love and we/Steam the windows and we stain the upholstery/We'll cruise from one remote local to another/Deaf and dumb from loud music which will be compulsory...
On the outside/Life is cold and hard/But inside it's cool and pliant/Together we can pop it open like the hood of my/'89 Reliant...
I got an '89 Reliant K/And an empty heart/Don't know a single soul in town, but this girl's got a jumper cable/Well that's a start/ I made a deal with these streets I leak oil upon/And I'm keeping up my end/By cruisin' steady in a box of off-white lightning/'89 Reliant...
ps/pb/Fully automatic/I don't need to shift/You look as low-down as I do, Shortcake/Can I give you a lift?
I got an '89 Reliant K...I got an '89 Reliant K...
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4. |
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The Dachshund
(vonHummer)
A fine, virgin bitch/In heat, from the city/Setter pedigree/Went with her mistress and master to pasture/For her first chance to breed/With other setter seed...
Fine farmhouse with barn,/Bitch tied up inside it/Owners off haggling price/When who should drag by but the wily old Dachshund/From some farm down the way/He sniffed to say "Good day,/My dear virgin bitch! In heat, yes?/Your very first time?/Lucky you met me!/I'd be willing to mount you quick/Just for practice,/That you know properly/How to receive the seed..."
"I thank you, kind sir,"/Said the Bitch/"But no, thank you/You'd put me in a family way."/"Dear child, can't you see/I'm a dachshund, not canine/See these stubby legs?/We're lizard-like, we lay eggs."/The Bitch said, "Okay,"/And he climbed on behind her/Pas de deux in a strange ballet/And it was not enormous pleasure she felt/Then again, she couldn't complain/Neither was it great pain...
With a yelp and some drool/The Dachshund was done/And he crawled off to sleep in the hay/Just in time, as the masters and stud turned the corner/Setter stud sniffed the air/Did her, didn't care/How many months passed til one night in the city/the fat Setter bitch yelped and whelped/a wily-eyed, long-eared, stubby-legged litter/Making Master and Mistress/bemused and bitter...
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5. |
In a Day or Two
04:11
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In a Day or Two
(vonHummer)
See the man/Making love/Hot above/Honeymooning now with you?/He's gonna say/"Sorry, I'm gay,"/In a day or two...
See young Jeff/So talent bereft/He can't even play a kazoo?/He's gonna crack/Be a right Bach/In a day or two...
So don't bother the antique dealer/Asking "What's new?"/Prearranged/It's all gonna change/In a day or two...
See the jock/Run out the clock/Hovering over the hoop?/He'll be obese/Ducking police/In a day or two...
See the wanton woman/Wantin' to know/"Why don't we get drunk and screw?"/She'll be a number one/wonder nun/In a day or two...
So get mean/Join the Marines/Be one of the proud and the few/But prearranged/It's all gonna change/In a day or two...
I was there with a golden spike/When they finally/Put the railroad through/But with a champagne glass/I was flying First Class/In a day or two...
I jumped out the window in '29/Lost my mind/When the market blew/But I'd a been a billionaire/Had I kept my ass in the chair/For a day or two...
See Marie/In her SUV/GOP, National Review?/She'll be DNC/Sittin' a tree/In a day or two...
See Glenda/Hand to extend-a/Here to help your dream come true?/She'll be for sure/Your worst saboteur/In a day or two...
So why cry when the Upstairs Guy/Pull the rug under you?/Prearranged/It's all gonna change/In a day or two...
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6. |
Are You Committed?
06:03
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Are You Committed?
(vonHummer)
If you must make waves/Do it/Without too much tumult/Can you care enough to keep committed/And indifferent to the result?/Because it's there/We must climb the hill of beans/Where the bitter end/Justifies just beyond our means/
Are you committed?/If you are, say "Yes!"/Are you committed/To the process?
If you have end-run/Endurance/And you give good quality Assurance/And deforesting the forest/For the trees/Somehow to you makes sense/Because the wrapping's/Worth more than the gift/The lowered tide/Leaves us beaucoup boats to lift...
Are you committed?/If you are, say "Yes!"/Are you committed/To the process?
Committed to the process/Regardless of result?/Join the people for Freedom From!/Committed to the process?/Regulation declaration of result independence?/Bang the fife!/Blow the drum!
If you can't put up/And shut out/All them outstanding standouts/Can you concentrate on traits of triumph/Inside, residing til presiding?/Because desire/Sires the labrador/That swings to bring all/Brought down lucky ducks to shore...
Are you committed?/If you are, say "Yes!"/Are you committed/To the process?
Are you committed?/Have you ever been committed...?
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vonHummer Portland, Oregon
vonHummer is a Portland music/cable access legend whose career spanned from Fall of 2001 to Fall of 2011, during which he recorded a hundred or so songs for use in his absurdist show (and feature film) and played only a handful of concerts. Currently retired, his work shines on for the ages. Or will he someday return...? ... more
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