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Theories

from Sieve & Moor by vonHummer

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Always had a penchant for the occult, for the Fortean. I think, as a kid, and to this day still, the idea that there were ridiculously unexplained phenomena meant the Serious People didn't have all the answers after all, and so I could freely disregard any recommendations they threw my way, and just do my own thing.

At some point well after I should have known better, I realized that love, too, was as mysterious as bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster, I cooked up these rather odd similies and sewed them together as "Theories," circa 1989. Usually, when I resurrect a song that old, I'll rewrite the tune, but this one I left fairly unchanged.

There was originally a line that said, "Like the first slave/to cool in the shade/that the afternoon pyramid made/What remains for love to upgrade?" but I tossed it as unworthy. Pyramids are mysterious, but not compared to the Yeti, UFOs or the Bermuda Triangle. I wrote up the UFO stanzas to replace the pyramid stuff and add some affirmation: don't understand love, but I'm looking forward to it again.

lyrics

"Theories"
(vonHummer)
Like the first Joe to stub his toe pondering Stonehenge, I don’t know what Love’s monoliths bestow, I’ve got theories, o-ho, but I’ll never know…

Like the first crew, compass askew, drifting in the Triangle without a clue what Love’s latitude can do, I’ve got theories, it’s true, but never a clue…

Theory is a thing we use like a curtain to hide the truth: we know nothing for certain, Here you see my 3-D visual model of how simple life oughtta’ be ‘til Love shakes theory with reality…

Like the first white explorer to sight in the Himalayan morning light Love’s abominable footprints, they chill me in spite of warm theories held tight, quite right, they chill me in spite…

Theory is a thing we use like a curtain to hide the truth: we know nothing for certain, Here you see my 3-D visual model of how simple life oughtta’ be ‘til Love shakes theory with reality…

Like the first guy to pop his eyes at some UFO filling the sky: frozen by a power beyond the ken of theoretical men, waiting for Love to abduct me again...

credits

from Sieve & Moor, track released February 14, 2003
vonHummer: vocals, bass drone, high guitar drone, bass and drum programming

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vonHummer Portland, Oregon

vonHummer is a Portland music/cable access legend whose career spanned from Fall of 2001 to Fall of 2011, during which he recorded a hundred or so songs for use in his absurdist show (and feature film) and played only a handful of concerts. Currently retired, his work shines on for the ages. Or will he someday return...? ... more

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