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The First White Christmas

from Open Fire on a Roasting Chestnut by vonHummer

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"The First White Christmas" text is built around the double meaning of "white." Here, the song lays out the scriptural origins of such whitey traditions as fruitcake, Xmas trees, Xmas cards, etc.

It sounds rather early Simon & Garfunkelesque (Garfunky?) to me. I'm rather fond of the extra whitey Presbyterian mens choir backup singers. Eat your hearts out, Staple Singers!

Now that religious Christmas songs are so unmentionable and forbidden, I find I'm really fond of them and it's great fun to sing "Hallelujah" and "Bethlehem" and all those other pretty, taboo sounds.

It's a waltz, isn't it?

lyrics

"The First White Christmas"
(vonHummer)

The First White Christmas was white indeed/Three Wise Kings rode forth/yea, on lumpy steed/Three Wise Kings rode forth/through blizzard and fury/at one hour, B.C./yea did they hurry...

Amen/hey hallelujah/Amen/Say hallelujah/This must be/why we white guys do/Christmas like we do!

The First White Christmas our Saviour was born/as prophets predicted: /yea on Christmas Morn/As prophets predicted/He came to mend fences/December 25th/Sweet parthenogenesis!

Amen/hey hallelujah/Amen/Say hallelujah/This must be/why we white guys do/Christmas like we do!

And one year after they followed that star/Those kings drew its likeness/yea onto cards/and sent yon cards forth/to friends and relations/who sent back cake and fruit combinations...

Amen/hey hallelujah/Amen/Say hallelujah/This must be/why we white guys do/Christmas like we do!

That's gotta be why we do it...This must be why...

credits

from Open Fire on a Roasting Chestnut, track released December 16, 2010
vonHummer: vocals, bass drone, high drone, percussion, Presbyterian Mens Choir

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vonHummer Portland, Oregon

vonHummer is a Portland music/cable access legend whose career spanned from Fall of 2001 to Fall of 2011, during which he recorded a hundred or so songs for use in his absurdist show (and feature film) and played only a handful of concerts. Currently retired, his work shines on for the ages. Or will he someday return...? ... more

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