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The Dachshund (and the Setter Bitch)

from Are You Committed by vonHummer

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about

The Dachshund (and the Setter Bitch). I don't often write ballads, but here's one, written purely as an means to use the over used word "bitch" in a song apart from obscenity. Also, as a kid, I listened a lot to Simon & Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" album, and loved "The Boxer." Somehow, though, I thought the title referred to a breed of dog and not a pugilist. I have no idea why. But calling a song "The Dachshund" reminds me of that and amuses me.
Otherwise, it's a very Jethro Tull-like song, with the chorded riff and rustic settings, very Songs from the Wood, which of course I love. Tull is obviously a huge influence for me.
All in a all it's an Uncle Remus kind of tale, where a wily country critter pulls one over on the ignorant city slickers. On the other hand, it's also rather ugly, with overtones of antebellum exploitation: pet ownership as the new slavery?
And what would a setter/dachshund mix actually look like...?

lyrics

The Dachshund
(vonHummer)
A fine, virgin bitch/In heat, from the city/Setter pedigree/Went with her mistress and master to pasture/For her first chance to breed/With other setter seed...
Fine farmhouse with barn,/Bitch tied up inside it/Owners off haggling price/When who should drag by but the wily old Dachshund/From some farm down the way/He sniffed to say "Good day,/My dear virgin bitch! In heat, yes?/Your very first time?/Lucky you met me!/I'd be willing to mount you quick/Just for practice,/That you know properly/How to receive the seed..."
"I thank you, kind sir,"/Said the Bitch/"But no, thank you/You'd put me in a family way."/"Dear child, can't you see/I'm a dachshund, not canine/See these stubby legs?/We're lizard-like, we lay eggs."/The Bitch said, "Okay,"/And he climbed on behind her/Pas de deux in a strange ballet/And it was not enormous pleasure she felt/Then again, she couldn't complain/Neither was it great pain...
With a yelp and some drool/The Dachshund was done/And he crawled off to sleep in the hay/Just in time, as the masters and stud turned the corner/Setter stud sniffed the air/Did her, didn't care/How many months passed til one night in the city/the fat Setter bitch yelped and whelped/a wily-eyed, long-eared, stubby-legged litter/Making Master and Mistress/bemused and bitter...

credits

from Are You Committed, released August 27, 2010
vonHummer: vocals, bass, drums

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vonHummer Portland, Oregon

vonHummer is a Portland music/cable access legend whose career spanned from Fall of 2001 to Fall of 2011, during which he recorded a hundred or so songs for use in his absurdist show (and feature film) and played only a handful of concerts. Currently retired, his work shines on for the ages. Or will he someday return...? ... more

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