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Pioneer Squire

from Pre​-​Season Scrimmage by vonHummer

/

about

"Pioneer Squire" was written one sunny day in the Summer of 2000 when I was waiting for the train at Pioneer Square in Portland. Back in those days of wild irresponsibility—when this open-aired brick plaza allowed cigarette smoking—it was typical to see young punks and skaters moping openly and shaking down passersby for spare change. These kids I jokingly called "pioneer squires," and when nobody laughed, I realized it was a cool song title and wrote a song to go with it.

Pioneer Square is boxed in by Yamhill Street, Morrison Street, Broadway, and 6th Avenue, the names of which I drop in the lyrics. Extra points if you got the candy bar joke there. In the 70s there was a candy bar called Fifth Avenue that I was particularly fond of, which the Pioneer Squire mangles in memory, confusing it with 6th Avenue.

The drum guitar works particularly well on this one. It had a little ricotta arm that slid over sandpaper and that's the woosh you hear in the percussion.

lyrics

"Pioneer Squire"
(vonHummer)

Hey on your way in help me out? My afternoon’s in doubt. Five bucks? Fifty bucks? Man, my situation’s dire,

I’m thick as the brick everywhere in the Square, oh, and I’m thin as a wire,

Hey help me out. My afternoon’s in doubt, five bucks, fifty bucks? Who’s gonna give a fuck about the Pioneer Squire?

See you don’t know me, but I know you, dude: common sense all krazy glued. Five bucks? Fifty bucks? Then we can both retire.

I’m the Thrill of Yamhill, Sun of Morrison, and in the cold I’m on fire, but I know you, dude, common sense krazy-glued, five bucks, fifty bucks? Who’s gonna give a fuck about the Pioneer Squire?

Sixth Avenue’s just a candy bar to you, Broadway’s where they play lullabies, I’ve kept my distance for a full minute or two, so don’t shoot til you see the reds of my eyes…

Hey on your way in help me out? My afternoon’s in doubt. Five bucks? Fifty bucks? Man, my situation’s dire,

I’m thick as the brick everywhere in the Square, oh, and I’m thin as a wire,

Hey help me out. My afternoon’s in doubt, five bucks, fifty bucks? five bucks, fifty bucks? five bucks, fifty bucks? Who’s gonna give a fuck about the Pioneer Squire?

Who’s gonna give a fuck about the Pioneer Squire? Who’s gonna give a fuck about the Pioneer Squire?

credits

from Pre​-​Season Scrimmage, released June 4, 2002
Produced by Clark Kent for Therisno Records.
vonHummer: vocals, guitar drum and percussion, bass drone, high guitar drone.

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about

vonHummer Portland, Oregon

vonHummer is a Portland music/cable access legend whose career spanned from Fall of 2001 to Fall of 2011, during which he recorded a hundred or so songs for use in his absurdist show (and feature film) and played only a handful of concerts. Currently retired, his work shines on for the ages. Or will he someday return...? ... more

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