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Nobody's Employee

from Ever So Transient by vonHummer

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"Nobody's Employee" should be a familiar song to anyone who's been out of work and worried about it, interviewing desperately. It's the feeling that you've got to say anything they want to hear, just to get into a job, to join the other paycheck-sucking insiders.

It's a little sad that being an employee is so...religious, these days. Employers really seem to want you to love them with all thy heart, all thy soul, and all thy mind now. Despite the fact that we all work for...money!
Since when did "pay" stop qualifying as a suitable motive for seeking work?

I could probably put out a compilation of songs I've written about work, ("Before You Hire Me," "Speaking Truth to Power," "Now However," "Working for the Woman," "You and You and You," to name but a few) and this is one more, I suppose. I just think songs like this are a necessary service to humanity.

lyrics

"Nobody's Employee" [vonHummer]

Got the word again today: “another candidate…” I thought for sure I had it, I thought they thought that I was great, I’ve been a teenager too many decades and I’m way beyond my sell by date, what will become of me in a week a month a year or three if

I’m nobody’s employee, won’t anybody hire me? Too old? Too bold? Too much desperation? Can they somehow see through me to the wretch who could not care less about their silly company? Let me in, I can pretend as good as the rest you’ll see, still I’m nobody’s employee…

I do the dumb shit questions in every interview, about my strengths and weaknesses, my wins and losses, too, my handwriting sample slant, handshake and shiny shoe, Lay out benefits that someone else always gets while

I’m nobody’s employee, won’t anybody hire me? Too old? Too bold? Too much desperation? Can they somehow see through me to the wretch who not care less about their silly company? I can worship your golden cow, vow the Moon is your cream cheese, still I’m nobody’s employee…

“Where do you see yourself in 15 years?” they ask each interviewee, but, unless my miracle appears: The old man mopping up McDonalds, the codger collecting curbside cans and bottles, that’s where I’ll be, nobody’s employee…

I’m nobody’s employee, won’t anybody hire me? Too old? Too bold? Too much desperation? Can they somehow see through me to the wretch who not care less about their silly company? Ten thousand other applicants buzz and swarm along with me, we’re all nobody’s employee…

credits

from Ever So Transient, released March 21, 2009
vonHummer: done it all

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vonHummer Portland, Oregon

vonHummer is a Portland music/cable access legend whose career spanned from Fall of 2001 to Fall of 2011, during which he recorded a hundred or so songs for use in his absurdist show (and feature film) and played only a handful of concerts. Currently retired, his work shines on for the ages. Or will he someday return...? ... more

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