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Healthy

from Hotel Oregon by vonHummer

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about

In the 70s when I was but a lad in Boy Scouts in the Old Dominion, the elder scouts of my troop used to ask each other about their girlfriends. "Is she healthy?" they'd ask, an adolescent gleam in their adolescent eyes. By which they meant, "Are her tits big?"

How quaint that kind of euphemism seems now! It seemed insidious then, I guess. My son and his peers at a similar age thought nothing of telling any adult in sight to fuck straight off, and so never developed any need or sense of euphemism.
To be fair, the euphemisms of their age are much more insidious: "stimulus," "investment," and "dialogue," to name but a few.

Personally, I'm a "leg man," and so the question of whether any given woman of consenting age is "healthy" or not means nothing to me. Unless I'm casting for "Bübiwulf 2: in 36D." But I digress.

This song "Healthy" is about a woman who flosses and exercises regularly and there's nothing else to be said about it. When a woman has that glow of freshness, why, the whole world is her plaything. I think that's beyond dispute.

It's just a lovely song of appreciation. It uplifts and separates.

lyrics

"Healthy"
[vonHummer]

When she’s in the room other women fold their arms and camouflage their resentment, she walk anywhere in the Orchard of Love, pick the fruit from any tree she see, no matter how wise, no matter how powerful or wealthy, she’s healthy, she’s healthy, she’s healthy, she’s healthy…
When she talk nonsense, sound like Socrates or Christ, her jokes are smoked with funny honey, she can steam the genie right out of the lamp to grant her wishes without number, she need never rub, just shrugs and it's “How may I serve thee?” she’s healthy, she’s healthy, she’s healthy, she’s healthy…
Shoulders back, postured like a goddess, waiting in line but not for long at the bank, plain to see the laws of gravity were also written by a man To be bent for her, she’s forever pure, even when filthy, she’s healthy, she’s healthy, she’s healthy, she’s healthy…
If you’re searching, stop! Cos believing you can see how she is, gee whiz, she is, she’s healthy, she’s healthy…
Healthy, healthy, healthy…War is hell, but she is healthy...

credits

from Hotel Oregon, released April 16, 2005
vonHummer: drums, guitar, vocals

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vonHummer Portland, Oregon

vonHummer is a Portland music/cable access legend whose career spanned from Fall of 2001 to Fall of 2011, during which he recorded a hundred or so songs for use in his absurdist show (and feature film) and played only a handful of concerts. Currently retired, his work shines on for the ages. Or will he someday return...? ... more

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