"Have a Haphazard Christmas"
(vonHummer)

Twelve FedEx Post-It Notes stuck to the door, eleven cards yet to send, ten parking spaces in front of the store, nine cars a-lined up for them,

Have a haphazard Christmas this year, Joy to the world which won’t slow down, It’s a haphazard Christmas this year, Deck the halls with whatever’s lying around…

Eight missing mini-bulbs darken the strand, seven limbs lost from my tree, six duct-taped phone books should work for a stand, five working nerves left in me,

Have a haphazard Christmas this year, Joy to the world which won’t slow down, It’s a haphazard Christmas this year, Deck the halls with whatever’s lying around…

Four for the babe playing Mary in the creche, (she’s a seven without the wimple,) Three for the dollars left to me for rent, Finding me six hundred more by New Years Day, for Thee, Birthday Boy, twill be simple...

Have a haphazard Christmas this year, Joy to the world which won’t slow down, It’s a haphazard Christmas this year, Deck the halls with whatever’s lying around…

Six are the times left to catch Capra’s classic, Five are the hours spent stuck in the traffic, four are the potpourri bowls we’re re-wrapping, three are the eggnog eggs left for the cracking, two are the paid holidays I’ll be lacking, (Ho, ho, ho...)

But one is the loneliest number, so for every “one” Christmas Eve: learn to love the “one” you’re alone with (something of which any virgin, on her own, can readily conceive…)

Have a haphazard Christmas this year, Joy to the world which won’t slow down, It’s a haphazard Christmas this year, Deck the halls with whatever’s lying around…I’ll be lying around, If you’re buying the round, Santa’s coming to town, hear that silver bell sound…?