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Curse of the Mummy

from Black & Orange by vonHummer

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about

"Curse of the Mummy" was written about August of 2006, and everything but the drum and vocals recorded probably in late 2007 or mid 2008. The drums and vocals I did a few days before the CD release in early October of 2010. This one is a part of the 15 or so tracks that "Are You Committed" was culled from, but it was so Halloweeny, I had to include it on "Black & Orange."

The text of the lyrics is a May-December sort of romance—of which I can think of several that I've known of, personally—where a hot young lady marries some old fossil with tons of money. I look askance at such a thing now, however, I may change my perspective on that when I'm an old(er) fossil myself.

Why askance? It's a free world, and certainly there are plenty of instances where she-mummies have bought themselves young bucks,—and I will allow that not every gal with a mummy is cursed—HOWEVER, it's not often the case that a "sweet young thing" marries "an ancient" who isn't loaded.

Anyhow, I'm particularly proud of this song, which, like my song "Flying Buttress," sneaks in some edjeecation. How many of you know, for instance, what a "canopic jar" is? Hands? No? As part of the mummification process, the ancient Egyptians would scoop out all the guts and put the major organs into sealed vases called canopic jars. See? Learning can be fun!!

And, you who didn't grow up watching the old Universal classic monster films might not know the legend of "The Mummy's Hand": if you steal the hand of a mummy, they'll rise up and come to find you, and it won't be pretty when they do.

All in all, the original Mummy movies did not make a compelling horror case for their monster. "Bubba Ho Tep" makes this clear, as that hilarious film has a mummy terrorizing seniors in a nursing home: much better victims for such a slow-moving creature. The Brendan Fraser Mummy films—like current Zombie films—had to cheat and posit a strong, swift Mummy to be "scary" for today's audiences.

Musically, this song is kind of Springsteen-y to me, with its mild sub-country preachiness and shuffling "Ticket to Ride" beat. Learning to play this one live after 3 years should be a treat. Listen to those little curly show-off riffs I sneak in at the breaks! 1) How did I DO those? 2) Can I still play that well?

No worries. I'll figure it out somehow.

lyrics

"Curse of the Mummy" [vonHummer]

Listen, Ladies, this tale is true/Circle round me as the fire goes dim/ Maybe you know someone like her, like him/Ladies, don’t let this shit happen to you/A sweet young thing, an ancient king/bricked in by gold in a suburban tomb:/The living dead: redecorating rooms/

She saw the money/He saw the beauty/She figured, “Rich or poor, they’re all the same…”/Curse of the Mummy/Poor little dummy/She took his hand and now she can’t get away…/

Listen, ladies, this sweet young thing/Lied and said she liked him “wrapped so tight/Always embalmed, he lays off me at night,”/Ladies, when love becomes cha-ching, cha-ching/Ancient gets old, and chains of gold/Are no less chains/She found all too soon/The living dead: decorating and redecorating rooms/

She saw the money/He saw the beauty/She figured, “Rich or poor, they’re all the same…”/Curse of the Mummy/Poor little dummy/She took his hand and now she can’t get away…/

He gave her his heart, to be sure/All dried up in a canopic jar/Similarly, she lost all her guts/Love for money can make you nuts/

Look at her, ladies, in her drop-top Mercedes/She might as well be driving a Hearse/She smiles so sweetly you can’t see it at first/She took the mummy’s hand, she’s cursed, she’s cursed/

Ooh, ooh! She got married…and buried alive…

credits

from Black & Orange, track released October 6, 2010
Vocals: vonHummer
Bass: vonHummer
Drums: vonHummer

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vonHummer Portland, Oregon

vonHummer is a Portland music/cable access legend whose career spanned from Fall of 2001 to Fall of 2011, during which he recorded a hundred or so songs for use in his absurdist show (and feature film) and played only a handful of concerts. Currently retired, his work shines on for the ages. Or will he someday return...? ... more

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